i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
