I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Are we still banned from the library?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
