i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
