But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
