I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
