just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
