Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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