There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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