come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize