How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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