You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
