Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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