We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
