Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
