I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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