he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
