I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just high enough for therapy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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