She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
