if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
