It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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