I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
