just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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