So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
