yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
