the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
