i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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