and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
