shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
