I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
