I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
