just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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