Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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