Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
