I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
