I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
