You work out of a Hotel?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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