dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
