he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You made out with two different species that night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
