you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize