So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so let's talk penis.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
