i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize