I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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