God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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