I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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