am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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