I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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