8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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