i was born a porn star she said
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There r osticjed everywhere
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
