My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
