She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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