I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize