You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Randomize
