You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
