Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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