I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
