I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
