Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
