I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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