Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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