I heard we made out
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize