remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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