so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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