Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
