Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
