Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
