you win again, gameday.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
