You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
