girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
