i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
