Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
