her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
